Organic milk manufactured by Arla Foods has proved useless for growing plants and vegetables after gardeners say it provides no advantages whatsoever when used in horticulture.
An advert for organic milk has been banned by the advertising watchdog for its “misleading” claim that its production is “good for the land,” leaving many allotment owners fuming after buying gallons of the stuff to feed to their marrows.
Arla Foods’ Head of Seeds and Saplings Mr. Ferdy Lizer said, “There appears to have been a bit of confusion over our organic milk range. When we said it was good for the land, we didn’t actually mean it’s good for the land as in, you should fill up a watering can with the bloody stuff and start tending to your begonias. We just meant the milk was prepared with all the best intention at heart and everybody that buys it can be sure we think about environmental sustainability alongside learning to play the guitar and maybe becoming vegan but never really intending to go through with it throughout the entire production process.”
The Advertising Standards authority says that Arla has failed to prove that its organic milk is good for the environment, especially now that most garden centres have vats of the stuff going off in a back storeroom because the gardening community has gone back to using water for growing plants en masse.
A government report on the international dairy industry said that organic farms perform well in terms of soil and water quality, but if you really want to grow pumpkins the size of space hoppers you should get the cows that produce the organic milk to fart in the soil before you put the seeds into the ground.
“The general rule is you milk cows and water plants – not the other way around. We sincerely apologise for making the horticultural community think it’s a good idea to use organic milk for use with an irrigation pump. It must have caused considerable damage to the pump and made them look very silly having pints of semi-skimmed leaping from a sprinkler – almost as silly as spending all day at an allotment watching vegetables grow,” Mr. Lizer added.