Apple appear to have completely lost the plot with their latest product launch that is targeted at people who have no desire to access the web, play games, stream media, store files, or do anything that you would ever need a computer for.
The tech giant’s latest offering even comes with its own pages that can be browsed without the need for an internet connection.
Apple’s head of product development Mrs. Paige Turner said, “In 1984, we introduced the Macintosh. It didn’t just change Apple, it changed the whole computer industry. In 2001, we introduced the first iPod and it didn’t just change the way we all listen to music, it changed the entire music industry. Well today, we’re introducing a revolutionary product of this class that isn’t a widescreen iPod with touch controls; it isn’t a revolutionary mobile phone or even a breakthrough Internet communications device. This new device performs none of the above tasks and we are calling it, ‘Book.’”
The Apple Book will retail at $300 and is said to expand upon the company’s long tradition of creative inspiration and thinking by offering a, ‘post-tech,’ solution to the way we access information.
“Apple as you know, is a company that is defined by what we do rather than by what we say and the book is a statement of how we see ourselves developing going forward. Headphones, chargers, apps, broadband, OS X – these are all concepts from Apple’s past but not it’s future,” Mrs. Turner added.
The Book is said to contain 450 pictures from its two decades of ground breaking product launches, but some customers have expressed confusion at how it will improve their lives the way Apple’s previous innovations have.
One fan of the iconic brand said, “it’s great that I no longer have to spend a fortune on replacement chargers anymore, or worry about my broadband speed when trying to stream movies, but unless I want to look at pictures of a weird looking box called a, ‘Lisa,’ from the early 1980’s, it’s pretty fucking limited in what it can do.”
Another lifetime Apple aficionado said, “I’m getting a Samsung next. They might explode randomly without warning but at least I’ll be able to send a couple of text messages before that happens. Using the word, ‘book,’ in the term Macbook was ironic, but this expands on that irony to such a degree that it contains no irony whatsoever – it’s a fucking book!”
Apple have as of yet not confirmed if there will be future iterations of their Book product but stated, “We strive to create products that appear effortless and in technological terms our book has had absolutely no effort put in to it at all.”