I am writing to tell you that you are required to attend a disciplinary meeting on Monday at 9am which is to be held in my office.
At this meeting the question of disciplinary action against you, in accordance with the Company Disciplinary Procedure, will be considered with regard to:
Claiming you are Jesus Christ and placing wine bottles on the shelves reserved for mineral water.
I enclose the following documents*:
See picture attached.
The possible consequences arising from this meeting might be:
Written warning or dismissal.
You are entitled, if you wish, to be accompanied by another work colleague or a trade union representative.
PS – You are most definitely NOT Jesus Christ because 150 bottles of mineral water were found in your locker. It therefore transpires that you don’t have the ability to turn water into wine contrary to your claims.