Home Improvement - The W1nners' Club

 

We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve.

How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy)
1 2 3 4 5√
How happy are you with our overall performance since we started working with you?
1 2 3 4 5√

 

I have given the scores above because:
…….to be honest I’m surprised that you’ve even given me a customer satisfaction form to fill out! In giving me a form to fill it would suggest you have no idea as to whether or not I am satisfied by the work you have done and by extension this means you think I might be pleased with your abortive attempt at creating the world’s largest ever cock and balls in double glazing form on my front room wall.
When your salesperson showed me the initial design, he said it would, ‘add character to the room by making the far wall a principal focal point,’ and in that respect I have to say that you’ve more than exceeded yourselves. What he didn’t indicate however is that the, ‘character,’ in question would be based on a design for an 8ft. mahogany framed vibrator with brass handles.

I’d like to say that you’ve totally cocked the job up but that would cheapen the situation somewhat, so let’s just say that myself, the wife and the mother in law especially, are less than pleased with your effort (the father in law couldn’t stop laughing at it and said he wants to get one done at his place FYI).

You could make me even happier by:
Getting a group of your fitters over here at once and coming up with a way to stop our windows resembling a welcome sign at a male whore house before we host the local neighbourhood watch meeting on Wednesday where incidentally, one of the items on the agenda is whether or not having knobs on your downstairs window poses a security risk.

PLEASE!!!

Any other comments:

You’ve even managed to circumcise the bloody thing!!!

 

 

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