Sometimes in office life, it’s important to stay ahead of the game by getting a colleague to stitch themselves up. It’s nothing personal, but if you’re going to get the next promotion, you’ll need to eliminate the competition.
The covert recording of a colleague saying something disparaging about the company and if possible – the boss, might be just what you need to do to pave the way for your future success.
Here’s how you do it:
1. Arrange a meeting
This needs to be arranged for the afternoon if possible. If your colleague suggests a morning meeting, you’ll need to be able to list a number of other people either internally or externally that you’ve already booked into your Outlook calendar.
2. Suggest you and your target meet for a couple of pints over lunch before the meeting
It’s important that your colleague gets at least a couple of drinks into their belly to loosen up their tongue a little bit, so you’ll need to meet them for a pint before your afternoon meeting. If needs be, you may even have to put the drinks on your company credit card so make sure you’re not over your monthly expense limit (you can always pretend you were with an important client when you claim the expenses back).
3. Mercilessly slag your boss off once the booze starts flowing
You’ll need to have lots of banter at the boss’s expense. Berate them for everything from their style of management to the clothes they wear and also embellish a few vicious rumours about why they had to leave the last place they worked at.
4. Program your home telephone number to one of the speed dials on your mobile
Make sure your mobile is fully charged or the whole plan may be placed in jeopardy.
5. Set your mobile phone’s ringtone to silent and switch off the vibrate function
It will be made apparent as to why this is important later on.
6. Bring your mobile phone along to the afternoon meeting
Whatever happens, make sure you don’t leave it at the pub!
7. Look as if you’re turning off your mobile phone but secretly call your home number
Your home number will need to have a voicemail function so that when the call is connected you will be recording the conversation taking place in the meeting room.
8. Make a reference to the conversation you had at lunch in the meeting preamble
Your target will now be as loose lipped as a town crier with Tourette’s Syndrome due to the lunchtime beverages that are currently getting acquainted with their sense of discretion. They should therefore by this point be drunkenly singing their way to professional self-destruction!