Let’s face it – being a manager these days isn’t half as much fun as it used to be.
With a whole host of hurdles like grievance procedures, sick leave, annual leave and the like – it’s a wonder how anyone can get their employees to put in a full shift.
You see, back in the day things were a little different. Managers were able to use a Cat o’ Nine Tails for a start. It’s amazing how a few lashes across someone’s bare back can motivate a team to achieve even the most ambitious of performance targets.
Just as managers today hark back to simpler times where employment law and union membership was but a twinkle in the eye of an obedient workforce, the managers of tomorrow will also have an equally nostalgic view of how things are today.
Here is a list of reasons why the bosses of the future will look back at the managers of today with envy at how easy they have it:
1. Corporate Social Responsibility
These days, company performance is usually gauged by how much money gets made but in 20 years time things will be very different. The firms of tomorrow will assess their bottom line according to metrics like staff happiness and the effect the company’s business practices have on the environment as well as profit. Just think about that for a moment. There’ll be no more finishing early on a Friday and going to the pub because you’ve hit your targets. In 20 years time you’ll have to attend a group yoga session, do some meditating and plant a tree for every pound the company has made in profits – then you’ll be allowed to go down to the pub!
Whilst we consider ourselves here at The W1nners’ Club to be a progressive bunch, we tend to manage our staff diversity issues by making fun of people when they are not in the office and as a result, we are able to avoid causing any offence to anyone that is likely to sue for being the butt of casual office ‘banter.’ In 20 years time however, the average workplace will be so diverse that simply saying good morning might be considered racist.
Here at The W1nners’ Club if you don’t want to speak to an angry supplier, you simply switch on your out of office and put your work phone onto voicemail. In 20 years time however, the tools of communication on offer will be so advanced that vlogging and tweeting will appear pre-historic – you won’t be able to hide from anyone!
4. Sick Leave
These days, a manager can wake up in the morning with a hangover, call his/her trusted yes man or woman on the team and issue a few instructions before returning to bed to watch The Jeremy Kyle Show safe in the knowledge that not being in the office means they won’t have to engage anyone for the rest of the day. In 20 years time, mobile technology will be so advanced that a simple brain interface will mean staff will be able to download their work schedules directly from their bosses memory regardless of where you are. You’ll therefore always be responsible for any disasters that occur and the phrase, “but I was off sick….” will no longer mean that someone else has to carry the can when things go wrong.
5. Flexible working
In the here and now, a 5:30pm finish means exactly that and you rarely have to deal with work issues until the next morning. In 20 years time however, flexible working will mean you could potentially be on duty whilst watching your favourite Quidditch (or whatever sport will be most popular by then) team. What effect do you think this will have on pre-match drinking?
6. Online training courses
When you hire new staff you usually know within the first couple of days if you’ve had a shocker and recruited somebody that would be lucky to get a job holding up a golf sale sign. Thankfully, employment law enables you to get rid of someone for pretty much any indiscretion bar breathing within the first year. In 20 years time however, the proliferation of online training simulations will mean that even the most useless of new starters won’t get found out for their staggering inability to do the job they’ve been employed to do until much later on – possibly when they will be eligible for a pay off. If things get that far then you really will get the blame for hiring them!
7. Reverse micro-management
……..or in late 2010s speak – mutiny! The trend towards allowing staff to collaborate and teach one another suggests a very bleak future for managers indeed.
8. Keeping digital records
These days, if you ever want to get rid of any less-than-complimentary company information, we have paper shredders to help you carry out the task. In 20 years however, even our money will no longer exist in physical form. Disposing of sensitive company secrets will be a bit like trying to get rid of herpes.
9. Increased social technology
Half of prospective employers today use social networking to recruit new staff. They can track ratings, referrals and reputations with the click of a mouse. In 20 years time however, the old, ‘lie on your CV and try to remember said lie at the interview,’ method of applying for jobs will be a thing of the past. People will have so much access to who you really are that there won’t be any possibility of telling porkies in an interview – it doesn’t seem fair really does it?
10. The talent gap
No – this isn’t a reference to the inadequacies of the England football team, it’s a reference to the generation that is commonly referred to as ‘baby boomers’ (it must have been easier to get laid back in the 1950s). The point is, there aren’t enough ‘Generation Xers’ to fill the positions that baby boomers will be leaving open when they retire – so if you think hiring decent staff is a management headache now, just wait a couple of decades and it’ll be you that has to go to interviews in front of a panel of job seekers that will be selecting the company they want to work for……