Sharing is caring!

resignation - The W1nners' Club

How short some people’s memories are!

You didn’t throw their CV into the bin upon spotting the first spelling mistake, you pretended to believe their unlikely story about how they generated £100,000 of incremental revenue in a single month in their previous job, you gave them an interview – hell, you even gave them a job for Pete’s sake!

Now, two years down the line, the ungrateful so-and-so that you took a leap of faith for and hired is planning on leaving the company.

They haven’t handed in their resignation letter just yet, but you know that it’s coming and here are the reasons why:

1.    Everybody knows

 

Your soon-to-be-departing team member clearly doesn’t understand the meaning of the phrase, ‘the walls have ears’ and as a result they’ve been telling everyone that will listen how unhappy they are in their current role. It’s a shame they don’t put this much effort into telling customers how cost-effective the company’s products are isn’t it?

2.    Their LinkedIn profile is almost complete

 

Everybody’s on LinkedIn these days, but no one actually completes their profile in full do they? All those ridiculous bits of info about which internal training courses you’ve been on like ‘how to brew the perfect cup of tea for an intern that has just burst into tears,’ usually get skipped by most people. Your team member however, has filled in every bit of information on their profile. It’s all up there. Swimming trophies from infant school, cub scout badges, cycling proficiency certificates. The only time anyone volunteers that degree of information is when you’re either applying for a mortgage or hawking yourself out to future employers.

3.    Your competitors keep asking about your team member at industry events

 

“So – er, what’s so-and-so like to have on the team?” Ask yourself in all honesty why your opposite number at your main competitor is asking about a member of your team. Could it be perhaps that the little ungrateful Judas you hired has been making overtures to the dark side? Of course it bloody is! They’d sell their own Grandmother if it meant an extra five grand a year and subsidised Fitness First gym membership!

4.    They’ve used you as a reference

 

Let’s face it – when you first hired your departing team member, you never had them down as being in the possession of a genius-level IQ. This has been emphatically proven on countless occasions over the years that they’ve been at the company via a catalogue of foul-ups, sick days and a super-human propensity for averageness. What you didn’t realise however, was quite how stupid your employee actually is. Putting you down as a reference on their CV is the job search equivalent of paying for a copy of the Big Issue with a blank cheque…………and to think you actually hired this person!

5.    They start to use their own initiative

 

Remember the days before you yourself became a manager? Your then boss would constantly put pressure on you to make sure you achieved your targets and did your day-to-day tasks as required. They had to – god forbid, as you were never going to do it on your own. It’s therefore a sure-fire sign that something is wrong when members of your team start doing things on their own initiative. Chances are, the new found diligence you’re witnessing in the form of a staggering upsurge in ‘client meetings,’ is probably nothing more than interviews with prospective employers.

6.    They simply can’t be bothered

 

Chronic lateness, arguments with colleagues, excessive time spent on social media – it can only mean one thing. Employer/employee relationships are just like any other – you just know when the other person is playing the field!

7.    Their browsing history looks like a Recruitment Consultant hall of fame

 

Whilst your team member may be approaching ‘adequate’ in terms of their ability to do their current job, it’s fair to say that they’ll never make it as a spy. One look at their browsing history and you have a roadmap of every sneaky interview they’ve been on in the last month. They’re even still logged onto the actual sites that they’ve visited. You can now see how much they’ve been telling prospective employers what you’re currently paying them – it’s nearly as much as your salary!!

8.    They’ve worn a suit into work for three days running

 

Your organisation is very much a forward thinking establishment. People wear smart-casual clothes and work from home occasionally. You have even recruited a Black, Gay, Jewish, Blind, Amputee, Goth that supports Leeds United to ensure you stay compliant with the company’s diversity targets. Despite this culture of extreme progressiveness, your team member has been turning up to work wearing a suit for the last couple of days. This can only mean they’re either attending court or going to interviews.

9.    Their social media accounts are littered with ‘just been to a job interview’ posts

 

Unfortunately for your dim-witted team member, they seem to have forgotten that they, ‘friended,’ you on Facebook way back when they first joined the company. Presumably at the time they believed that this would be a smart career move – WELL IT WASN’T! Now you have access to all their extra-curricular information like bad behaviour on hen parties / stag weekends etc. The fact that they have been bad-mouthing you and the company online recently may prove significant when their future employer is discreetly made aware of the employee’s true character. It’s not revenge, just a polite way of reminding them who’s really in charge!

10.   You’ve been sent their CV by a jobsite

 

Almost as stupid as number 4, but with an added digital twist!

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *