W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

  Dear Darcus, I earn £320,000 a year before bonuses, I drive a Maserati and have a holiday home in St. Lucia. My kids both attend one of the country’s most prestigious public schools and whilst I’m extremely proud of my success, I’ve always wanted to be a garbage collector. There’s something about being in…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Hiring Illegal Immigrants

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Hiring Illegal Immigrants

    Dear Darcus, As you well know the economy has been struggling of late and what with Brexit and the ever tumbling value of the pound, running a business can be a bit like painting the Forth Bridge these days in terms of achieving your targets. As a result, I have started to recruit…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Dating a Colleague

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Dating a Colleague

  Dear Darcus, I am the sales manager of a car dealership. I am married with three kids but I have recently started having an affair with one of the Vauxhall Astras in the showroom. I think my condition is known as mechaphilia but I can honestly say that we are truly happy and are…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

  Dear Darcus, I have noticed that recently I have had lots of extremely dark fantasies about hitting members of my team. Whenever an employee comes to ask me a question the first thoguht that pops into my mind is how much I’d like to punch the individual in question on the nose no matter…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

  Dear Darcus, We have just hired a new team member who is a mature lady of 55 years of age. So far her work and experience have been nothing short of a total asset to the team except for one small problem – she refuses to wear underwear during work hours. To compound matters…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Stripping all your clothes off to use the toilet

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Stripping all your clothes off to use the toilet

  Dear Darcus, One of my employees does that weird naked sh*tting thing. He’s some sort of freaky naturalist and believes that clothes somehow inhibit the pooping process so he takes them all off whenever he uses the toilet. Is this appropriate behaviour for someone that works in an office of 700 people?   Dear…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Absent New Starter

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Absent New Starter

  Dear Darcus, A new starter I have just hired was supposed to start work on Monday morning at 10am. The new employee unfortunately didn’t turn up and when we finally got hold of her later that day she said she forgot she had a new job. I decided to give her a second chance…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Finding Money in the Office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Finding Money in the Office

  Dear Darcus, I have just found a five pound note on the floor next to one of my team members’ desks. I understand the money could belong to the team member that sits there, but it may also have been dropped by someone else. How do I decide who to give the fiver to?…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Compassionate Leave

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Compassionate Leave

  Dear Darcus, One of my team has just sent me an email asking for compassionate leave because their pet hamster died this morning. Apparently the hamster got electrocuted when it broke free from its cage before attempting to nibble the wire on the satellite TV box in the team member’s front room. The hamster…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

  Dear Darcus, I’ve just been asked by a member of my team to sign off their expenses and noticed an entry for Busty Brenda’s massage parlour in Soho. How do I question them about this without incriminating myself for being there on the same evening?   Dear Reader, I often get letters of this…

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