Samsung Galaxy Note 8 comes with added fire safety features

Samsung Galaxy Note 8 comes with added fire safety features

  Samsung is hoping to right the wrongs of last year’s exploding Note 7 phone by adding new fire safety features to the Galaxy Note 8.   The new phone comes with a whole range of fire safety equipment such as various types of extinguishers to treat the different types of fires its users may…

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Southern Rail introduces wheel clamping in train station car parks to reduce delays

Southern Rail introduces wheel clamping in train station car parks to reduce delays

  Southern Rail is trialling a new vehicle clamping system in train station car parks in a bid to try to reduce delays.   It is hoped that if passengers suffer the inconvenience of having their vehicles clamped, train delays, cancellations and industrial action won’t appear quite as downright annoying as they do usually when…

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90% of tea consumed in the workplace may contain saliva from an intern

90% of tea consumed in the workplace may contain saliva from an intern

  An investigation by Lloyds Banking Group has found that nearly 90% of tea that is consumed in the average workplace may contain intern saliva.   Samples of tea runs performed by interns in a selection of offices up and down the country showed that up to 90% of them contained spittle that had only…

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VW’s plan to build a non-petrol camper van could be a wind up

VW’s plan to build a non-petrol camper van could be a wind up

  Volkswagen has unveiled the prototype for its new non-petrol version of the classic camper van, but some enthusiasts have said that it could be a wind up.   The non-petrol revamp of the Microbus, which is known as the Bulli in Germany is an attempt by Volkswagen to boost its credentials as the auto…

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Donald Trump refuses to watch colour TV in case he upsets white supremacists

Donald Trump refuses to watch colour TV in case he upsets white supremacists

  Donald Trump has disbanded his business advisory think tank after a number of CEOs quit when he refused to watch television in full colour for fear of upsetting white supremacists.   The executives in question found it nigh on impossible to analyse stock and share prices on CNN and Bloomberg, because the President insisted…

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Nestle’s walnut whip may grow breasts now that nuts have been removed

Nestle’s walnut whip may grow breasts now that nuts have been removed

  Nestle has warned its customers that its newly launched nut free version of the Walnut Whip may start to grow breasts and speak in a high-pitched voice.   The company’s new ‘Eunuch Whip’ is said to be targeted at paranoid Chinese Emperors and rulers of the Byzantine and Ottoman Empires as a chocolate snack…

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Public votes for Crispy McCrispface in the Walkers Crisp flavour referendum

Public votes for Crispy McCrispface in the Walkers Crisp flavour referendum

  The Great British public has predictably voted for Crispy McCrispface to be introduced as a new Walkers crisp flavour even though it was never actually presented as a choice on the ballot paper.   Walkers, having clearly not learnt what happens when you place important decisions in the hands of the electorate, decided to…

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Walmart to sell surface-to-air missiles as part of its back to school range

Walmart to sell surface-to-air missiles as part of its back to school range

  Walmart will include Patriot, Stinger and S-300 surface to air missiles as part of its ‘back to school’ range of products this year.   The retailer recently identified the school age demographic as a potentially lucrative market for hi tech military hardware items that will complement the sale of lunch boxes, pencil cases, Erasers…

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Bank of England says the new £5 note is tastier than its vegetarian alternative

Bank of England says the new £5 note is tastier than its vegetarian alternative

  The Bank of England has decided to stick to issuing plastic banknotes despite complaints from vegans and religious groups because it says they are much tastier than the vegetarian alternative.   The central bank concluded after “careful and serious consideration and extensive public consultation” that yes, whilst killing animals just so humans have something…

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FTSE 100 wobbles as Kim Jong Un claims his dad can beat up Donald Trump’s dad

FTSE 100 wobbles as Kim Jong Un claims his dad can beat up Donald Trump’s dad

  London’s FTSE 100 was nearly 1% down during morning trading as investors reacted nervously when Kim Jong Un claimed that his dad could beat up Donald Trump’s dad.   The jitters came as Pyongyang said that it’s former leader Kim Jong Il could easily beat Donald Trump’s father in an arm wrestle if either…

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