Mike Ashley hands in a transfer request at Newcastle United

Mike Ashley hands in a transfer request at Newcastle United

  Sports Direct owner Mike Ashley has handed in a transfer request to leave premier league football club Newcastle United.   The want away owner is rumoured to be willing to accept £380million for the termination of his contract, which is considered by many to be a high price to pay for someone that has…

News , ,

Kebabs say it’s easier to get delivered using UberEats than trying to hail a black cab

Kebabs say it’s easier to get delivered using UberEats than trying to hail a black cab

  Doner Kebabs all over London were left ‘devastated’ after being told that food delivery service UberEats will cease to continue.   Transport for London told the ride hailing app firm that it ‘will not be issued with a private hire operator licence’ because they found it was ‘not fit and proper,’ a move which…

News , , ,

Apple admits its new smartwatch doesn’t f*cking work

Apple admits its new smartwatch doesn’t f*cking work

  Apple has acknowledged connectivity issues with its latest smartwatch by issuing a statement confirming that it ‘doesn’t f*cking work.’   Apple says that the watch’s problem connecting to cellular networks occurs because the type of Apples used to make them are in need of a software update so that they are able to connect…

News , ,

Former BHS owner says Wi-Fi on a yacht costs more than a high street retail chain

Former BHS owner says Wi-Fi on a yacht costs more than a high street retail chain

  Former BHS owner Dominic Chappell has told a court that installing Wi-Fi on a £5 million racing yacht costs more than the price of acquiring a high street retail chain.   Mr. Chappell, who bought BHS from retail tycoon Sir Philip Green for £1 a year before the company’s collapse, has been accused by…

News , , ,

Rolling Stone Magazine’s next issue to be filled with ads for Rolling Stone Magazine

Rolling Stone Magazine’s next issue to be filled with ads for Rolling Stone Magazine

  Rolling Stone Magazine has announced that its next issue will be filled with adverts for Rolling Stone Magazine.   The trailblazing popular culture and music magazine has put itself up for sale and the company has identified Rolling Stone Magazine as the perfect advertising partner for its upcoming brand awareness campaign. Rolling Stone Magazine’s…

News , ,

UBS pays to unblock its toilets using €500 notes that are currently blocking its toilets

UBS pays to unblock its toilets using €500 notes that are currently blocking its toilets

  Swiss bank UBS will pay to unblock the toilets at one of its branches using wads of Euro banknotes that are currently blocking the toilets in question.   Tens of thousands in 500 Euro banknotes are currently clogging up the sewer system around the branch in Geneva, but executives at the bank are relieved…

News , , ,

Easyjet only prepared to be involved in the fun part of long haul travel

Easyjet only prepared to be involved in the fun part of long haul travel

  Easyjet has said that it’s only prepared to be involved in the fun part of long haul flight provision.   The airline has formed a partnership with Norwegian and WestJet and passengers taking connecting flights via London Gatwick, such as those travelling from Aberdeen to New York, will be able to book the entire…

News , , ,

Microflats look suspiciously similar to doll’s houses according to property experts

Microflats look suspiciously similar to doll’s houses according to property experts

  Property experts have slammed the latest designs for proposed urban microflats saying that they look a lot like children’s doll’s houses.   A push for “compact living” space in London could save the UK capital from being hollowed out by foreign investors who snap up properties and then leave them empty, but experts have…

News , ,

Tulip prices skyrocket after JP Morgan says they’re more valuable than Bitcoin

Tulip prices skyrocket after JP Morgan says they’re more valuable than Bitcoin

  The price of Tulip bulbs is set to skyrocket exponentially after JP Morgan boss Jamie Dimon said they were more valuable than Bitcoin in an angry rant about the cryptocurrency.   It’s not clear at this stage whether Mr. Dimon had been drinking or was under the influence of any controlled substances, but it…

News , , ,

Mass sickie at Air Berlin is so bad even the autopilots have called in with flu

Mass sickie at Air Berlin is so bad even the autopilots have called in with flu

The mass sickie at Air Berlin is now so bad that some of its autopilots have called in complaining of various illnesses.   Germany’s second-largest carrier has had to cancel about 100 flights after a large number of pilots called in sick with mystery illnesses such as: “I left my work uniform on the bus…

News , , ,