Business talk is off the menu at Trump family dinners

Business talk is off the menu at Trump family dinners

  Business talk will be banned at Trump family dinners in a bid to avoid any conflict of interest now that Donald Jr and Eric have taken control of the President’s commercial interests.   Mr Trump is hoping that by simply not talking about business with any of his sons, he will be compliant with…

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Whitbread admit the, ‘bread,’ in their name may not be gluten free

Whitbread admit the, ‘bread,’ in their name may not be gluten free

  Whitbread admit the, ‘bread,’ contained in its name may not actually be gluten free.   Despite making repeated claims to the contrary on numerous occasions and customers coming away from Sunday lunches at Table Table with anaphylactic shock, the restaurant chain has always insisted the bread contained in its name is safe to be…

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William Hill at a complete loss as to why favourites keep on winning

William Hill at a complete loss as to why favourites keep on winning

  William Hill has suffered a £20 million fall in profits due to betting, ‘favourites,’ being genuinely better than everyone else competing in the field.   Despite offering short odds and calling them, ‘favourites,’ the bookmaker is confused as to why people continually place bets on them – never mind the fact that they actually…

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“People still do it on the desktop with their windows open,” says Pornhub

“People still do it on the desktop with their windows open,” says Pornhub

  Adult video company Pornhub recently published its annual report and the trends and insights of the past year have caused a collective gag reflex among experts.   The company registered 92 billion video views over 12 months – approximately 13 views for every man, woman and child on the planet, thus confirming the idea…

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Aldi claims staff are now too wealthy to ever shop at Lidl again

Aldi claims staff are now too wealthy to ever shop at Lidl again

  Aldi claims that by raising the pay of staff to £8.53 per hour, employees are now far too wealthy to be seen shopping in Lidl ever again.   Staff at the discount store will enjoy their new affluence as of February, when the rate for those employed at the company’s London stores will also…

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Today referred to as, ‘Pleb Thursday,’ by FTSE 100 Fat Cats

Today referred to as, ‘Pleb Thursday,’ by FTSE 100 Fat Cats

  Today is officially known as, ‘Pleb Thursday,’ after FTSE 100 Chief Executives hit their first economic performance target of the year by earning more than the national average wage.   Pleb Thursday has historically always been the day after, ‘Fat Cat Wednesday,’ and is so called because it’s the first point in the year…

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Tesco outrages bearded women by slashing the price of razors

Tesco outrages bearded women by slashing the price of razors

  Tesco has caused outrage among women with beards after cutting the price of female razors.   In a move intended to redress the disparity in price between male razors which cost £1 for a pack of ten, the price of female packs were slashed from £1 to 50p for a pack of five. Head…

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Virgin Trains to place life jackets under seats in a bid to compete with airlines

Virgin Trains to place life jackets under seats in a bid to compete with airlines

  Virgin Trains will place life jackets under the seats on their locomotives in a bid to take on airlines for a share of the lucrative London to Edinburgh route as passenger numbers hit one million for the first time ever.   Despite never actually taking off from the ground in any way, shape or…

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Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

  Upper class drinkers rejoiced upon hearing that the price of Champagne will rise as a result of Brexit.   Despite losing their last key class identifier since the UK abolished its national pastime of going over to hot countries and shooting dark skinned people, many in society’s higher echelons feel this latest revelation presents…

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Every day to be given an extra adjective to encourage consumer spending

Every day to be given an extra adjective to encourage consumer spending

  The government is considering adding an extra adjective to every day that shops are open in a bid to encourage consumer spending.   Despite not really knowing why Black Friday is called Black Friday, or indeed why Cyber Monday has the word, ‘cyber,’ in its name, consumers nevertheless can’t seem to resist brandishing their…

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