Deliveroo claims not being a proper company has its downside

Deliveroo claims not being a proper company has its downside

  Bosses at Deliveroo and Uber have told MPs that not paying sick pay, pensions, or a guaranteed minimum wage is all part and parcel of the gig economy – but there’s also a downside to it all.   Senior executives at the tech firms told MPs that a change in the law currently being…

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Vodafone finally realises no one uses pagers anymore except Bill Oddie

Vodafone finally realises no one uses pagers anymore except Bill Oddie

  Vodafone is leaving the pager business after finally realising that the only person in the UK who still uses one is birdwatching aficionado Bill Oddie.   The telecoms operator agreed a deal to sell its pager division to professional services company Capita, but because the deal will leave Bill Oddie as the only person…

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My Friend Cayla Doll alleged to be a former high ranking member of The Stasi

My Friend Cayla Doll alleged to be a former high ranking member of The Stasi

  The distributor of My Friend Cayla, a talking doll which has been banned in Germany due to security concerns insists the toy has never at any point been a high ranking member of The Stasi.   Vivid GmbH has refuted allegations about My Friend Cayla that her real identity is actually Cayla Von Zersetzung,…

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Debenhams offers staff extra toilet breaks to reach national minimum wage

Debenhams offers staff extra toilet breaks to reach national minimum wage

    Debenhams has come top of the league for companies that underpay staff, so will increase the number of toilet breaks it allows in an attempt to meet the national minimum wage.   The department store chain underpaid staff £10 each on average in 2015 because of a ‘technical error on its payroll system,’…

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Harrods luxury water can be used in a multitude of ways (so it should at £80 a bottle)

Harrods luxury water can be used in a multitude of ways (so it should at £80 a bottle)

  Harrods insist their new £80 bottles of, ‘luxury water,’ have multiple uses beyond simply making dinner guests feel guilty about asking for a glass whilst choking on a bit of meat that has gone down the wrong hole.   The 750ml bottles of Svalbarði Polar Iceberg Water are harvested from icebergs in the Arctic…

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Hangovers set to increase at Lloyds of London due to lunchtime drinking ban

Hangovers set to increase at Lloyds of London due to lunchtime drinking ban

  Hangovers are set to increase exponentially at Lloyds of London after its HR department introduced a ban on lunchtime drinking.   Staff at one of London’s most historic financial institutions could face the sack if caught breaking the new rules and as a result have taken to getting pissed after work like fish that…

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‘People that buy porn also like looking at pictures of naked women,’ says Playboy

‘People that buy porn also like looking at pictures of naked women,’ says Playboy

  Playboy magazine has revealed that people who buy pornography are also more than a bit partial to looking at pictures of naked women.   The surprising revelation came to light as Playboy announced it will bring full frontal nudity back to its pages after realising that purchasing a pornographic magazine with no pictures of…

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Waitrose admit their Shepherd’s Pie doesn’t contain any trace of Shepherd meat

Waitrose admit their Shepherd’s Pie doesn’t contain any trace of Shepherd meat

    Waitrose have admitted their Shepherd’s Pie doesn’t contain even the slightest trace of shepherd meat.   More than 4,200 people labelled, ‘Waitrose British Shepherd’s Pie,’ which is made with New Zealand Lamb as, ‘unacceptable,’ and, ‘a lie,’ in a recent poll conducted on Twitter. Waitrose’ Head of Product Packaging Mr. Reg Retail-Pryce said,…

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Arsene Wenger considering a move to join Royal Bank of Scotland

Arsene Wenger considering a move to join Royal Bank of Scotland

    Royal Bank of Scotland announced its ninth consecutive year of multi-billion pound losses which means the only thing in the universe that has been associated with the colour red for a longer period of time is Arsene Wenger.   The state owned bank managed to rack up losses of £2.5 billion in the…

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“Shoplifting is our national pastime!” say Australian supermarket customers

“Shoplifting is our national pastime!” say Australian supermarket customers

  Australian retailer Coles is limiting the amount of items customers can scan at their self-service tills after 22,000 shoplifters got caught in the past 12 months.   Despite a few Australians expressing shock and dismay at the recent crime wave, the vast majority claim such criminality should be respected as a cultural tradition alongside beating…

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