Tesco to build its own run down council estates on supermarket roofs

Tesco to build its own run down council estates on supermarket roofs

  Tesco has unveiled a radical plan to develop its own version of the run down, socially deprived council estate to try and generate extra funds.   The largest supermarket brand in the UK will build hundreds of high rise flats on top of the roofs of many of its stores and sprawling car parks…

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Vladimir Putin shuts down LinkedIn after having his account suspended

Vladimir Putin shuts down LinkedIn after having his account suspended

  LinkedIn is no longer available in Russia after Vladimir Putin had his account suspended for being in breach of the website’s terms and conditions.   The Russian President had reportedly spent a whole afternoon choosing the right photo for his profile picture and eventually settled on one of him wearing Speedos whilst riding a…

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Camelot will purchase a lottery ticket to try and make up lost revenue

Camelot will purchase a lottery ticket to try and make up lost revenue

  Camelot announced it will be purchasing a lottery ticket this week in an effort to win back some much needed cash as ticket sales continue to fall.   The group has been running the National Lottery since 1994 and recently recorded a 6.3% fall in sales to £3.39 billion. Camelots’ Chief Executive Mr. Jack…

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The latest Apple product has less processing power than a ZX Spectrum 48k

The latest Apple product has less processing power than a ZX Spectrum 48k

  Apple appear to have completely lost the plot with their latest product launch that is targeted at people who have no desire to access the web, play games, stream media, store files, or do anything that you would ever need a computer for.   The tech giant’s latest offering even comes with its own…

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FTSE 100 CEOs to do a bush tucker trial before receiving their annual bonus

FTSE 100 CEOs to do a bush tucker trial before receiving their annual bonus

  Company boards should justify hefty Chief Executive pay rises by forcing bosses to do a bush tucker trial in front of staff at the annual Christmas party according to business experts.   The continuing increases in pay for top executives despite often lacklustre performance has incited calls for a rethink in the way senior…

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Middle Class Shoppers Abandon Marks and Spencer in Favour of Food Banks

Middle Class Shoppers Abandon Marks and Spencer in Favour of Food Banks

  Middle Class shoppers are replacing their weekly shopping trips to Marks and Spencer with a visit to the local food bank as shelves in the store start to resemble those from soviet-era Russia.   The retailer’s suppliers have been pulling out in their droves as the battle rages on about whether the word Brexit…

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Sports Direct employees outraged at being secretly filmed watching MPs being secretly filmed

Sports Direct employees outraged at being secretly filmed watching MPs being secretly filmed

  Sports Direct have been asked to explain why they secretly filmed staff watching a hilarious video of members of parliament being secretly filmed during their lunch break.   A group of parliamentarians from the House of Commons Business Committee were covertly recorded having a meeting at the sports retailer’s Shirebrook facility in Derbyshire after…

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Toblerone Claims Empty Space is the New Chocolate

Toblerone Claims Empty Space is the New Chocolate

  The makers of Toblerone made the bold claim yesterday that empty space is the new chocolate.   The gaps between the chocolate bar’s triangular segments have been widened recently as manufacturers claim the popular snack was never really about chocolate in the first place. Mondelez International’s Head of Marketing Mrs. Honey Almond said, “The…

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McDonalds sue the Sistine Chapel for copying the shape of McFlurry tubs

McDonalds sue the Sistine Chapel for copying the shape of McFlurry tubs

  McDonalds is suing the Sistine Chapel for using the approximate shape of a McFlurry tub in the design for its main dome.   After several high profile spats with the Italian authorities this year over whether the fast food chain is an appropriate vendor to trade in the historic plazas of Florence and The…

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Share prices to get more devalued than Mexicans if Donald Trump wins US election

Share prices to get more devalued than Mexicans if Donald Trump wins US election

  Investors and businesses are preparing for share prices to fall lower than the future social status of illegal immigrant Mexicans if Donald Trump wins the US election.   A victory by Trump is expected to send shares into freefall and most of the major trading banks will have staff on high alert this evening…

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