“We’re not a f*cking haulage company!” says Ryanair to customers

“We’re not a f*cking haulage company!” says Ryanair to customers

  Ryanair says its customers have completely taken the piss of late by taking advantage of its relaxed attitude to hand luggage.   The budget airline has been infamous in the past for viewing customers as nothing more than an unfortunate hindrance in an otherwise enjoyable and highly profitable business operation. Ryanair’s Head of Customer…

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Post-Brexit Sterling to resemble Battle Cat from He-Man

Post-Brexit Sterling to resemble Battle Cat from He-Man

      The Bank of America predicts the post-Brexit Pound will stop cowering in the corner like a timid kitten to undergo a miraculous transformation like Cringer from He-Man.   Despite being the foreign exchange equivalent of a mangy moggy that has been abandoned by its owners and left to fend for itself in…

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Deutsche Bank takes out full page newspaper adverts to apologise for getting caught

Deutsche Bank takes out full page newspaper adverts to apologise for getting caught

  Deutsche Bank has apologised to the German people for getting caught mis-selling toxic sub-prime mortgage securities and allowing dodgy Russians to use it as a money laundering service.   The largest bank in Germany purchased a full page advert in 10 of the country’s largest circulating newspaper titles – although it’s unclear whether the…

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Trump blames US bacon shortage on Muslims

Trump blames US bacon shortage on Muslims

  US President Donald Trump signed an executive order temporarily banning the sale of all bacon in the United States to members of the Muslim community.   The move has sparked confusion at supermarkets, butchers and deli counters across the US – not least because the consumption of pork is not practiced by members of…

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HBOS fraudsters hoping to avoid drug-fuelled sex parties in jail

HBOS fraudsters hoping to avoid drug-fuelled sex parties in jail

  Convicts in the HBOS fraud trial are hoping to avoid any drug-fuelled sex parties when they arrive in prison.   Despite drugs being more readily available in jail than they are at the average pharmacist, the senior bankers involved in the trial are ironically, hoping to stay out of trouble for the full term…

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Boohoo.com says allowing staff to smile at work is not reflective of the brand

Boohoo.com says allowing staff to smile at work is not reflective of the brand

  Boohoo.com says allowing staff to smile at work makes a mockery of the company name and anybody that wants to walk around wearing a massive grin should go and work at McDonalds.   An episode of Dispatches looking into Britain’s cheap clothing industry suggested worker’s contracts are ended after “three strikes”, that are dished…

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JD Sports warehouse staff have the equivalent life expectancy of the mayfly

JD Sports warehouse staff have the equivalent life expectancy of the mayfly

  Staff employed at JD Sports’ controversial warehouse facility in Rochdale, Lancashire now have the equivalent life expectancy of a mayfly.   A freedom of information request obtained by The W1nners’ Club shows that ambulances have been dispatched to the site 166 times in the last four years, with 140 of these incidents leading to someone being…

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Agent Provocateur offers to pay off £30m debt in sexy underwear

Agent Provocateur offers to pay off £30m debt in sexy underwear

  Troubled lingerie brand Agent Provocateur has offered to pay off its £30m debt in unsold sexy underwear stock after a period of trading that can only really be referred to as, well – pants really.   It is rumoured the retailer’s bank has been approached with a proposal that will see senior staff at…

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WH Smith hails spoof humour as the saviour of the English language

WH Smith hails spoof humour as the saviour of the English language

  WH Smith is championing spoof humour literature as the potential saviour of the English Language.   At a time in the development of linguistics when phrases such as, ‘LOL,’ ‘LOOL,’ ‘PMSL,’ and ‘;-)’ qualify as satisfactory modes of communication between human beings, the book and stationery retailer is throwing its considerable weight behind the…

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Sainsbury’s staff caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house during work hours

Sainsbury’s staff caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house during work hours

  Sainsbury’s staff officially signed off from work were caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house working on his barn conversion during work hours.   At least five checkout girls were being used as bricklayers and staff from the deli counter, the bakery and the frozen food section were also found at the address wearing hard…

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