Monopoly replaces out of date wheelbarrow token with a Tyrannosaurus Rex

Monopoly replaces out of date wheelbarrow token with a Tyrannosaurus Rex

  Hasbro has announced its intention to modernise the Monopoly game by replacing its outdated wheelbarrow token with a Tyrannosaurus Rex.   The gaming giant says that despite not having existed on planet earth for over 70 million years, dinosaurs are still a much more relevant symbol of modernity than the anachronistic wheelbarrow. Hasbro’s Head…

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Ford says road rage is bad enough on the ground let alone 200 feet up in the air

Ford says road rage is bad enough on the ground let alone 200 feet up in the air

Ford have ruled out investing in the development of flying cars in the short term because road rage would be infinitely worse 200 feet in the air than it is on the ground.   The automaker was asked if they had any plans to develop their own flying car at the SXSW conference in Austin,…

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Waitrose jam to replace interest rates as a way of controlling inflation

Waitrose jam to replace interest rates as a way of controlling inflation

  Waitrose jam will be used to control inflation in the economy now that the food retailer’s empty jars are worth more than the ones that contain jam inside.   The Bank of England will initially begin spreading Bonne Maman Strawberry Conserve onto commercial properties in the London area to control the extortionate price rises…

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Gin replaces children’s swings in the inflation basket – which is great news for kids…

Gin replaces children’s swings in the inflation basket – which is great news for kids…

  Children’s charities have expressed dismay upon hearing that Gin has replaced children’s swings in the basket of goods used to measure the UK’s inflation rate.   Gin comes back into the mix after a 13-year absence and is the result of new craft distilleries popping up and rising in popularity. Inflation expert Mr. Ian…

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Tesco chairman narrowly avoids capture at the hands of ivory poachers

Tesco chairman narrowly avoids capture at the hands of ivory poachers

  Tesco’s chairman narrowly avoided capture at the hands of ivory poachers yesterday who fired a tranquiliser dart into his bottom in the foyer at Tesco’s head office.   It is the third incident in the past year where the supermarket chain’s boss has had to endure an attempt to extract his gold-capped fillings which…

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New Panasonic washing machine comes with international stain removal feature

New Panasonic washing machine comes with international stain removal feature

  Panasonic have launched a new washing machine that comes with a special mode to tackle stains that are local to whichever country it is being used in.   The new model has been in development for the past two years and tests have involved different combinations of water temperature and water flow as well…

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Flavour Flav endorses the new strapless Apple Watch

Flavour Flav endorses the new strapless Apple Watch

  Apple has employed the services of Public Enemy Rapper Flavour Flav after losing a legal battle over whether its smartwatch straps are an accessory that should be taxed individually or as part of the device.   A tax tribunal in London has ruled that the straps are “pieces of plastic” and therefore an “accessory”,…

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Trump instructs Disney CEO to confirm Mickey Mouse’s immigration status

Trump instructs Disney CEO to confirm Mickey Mouse’s immigration status

  Walt Disney Chief Executive Bob Iger was forced to defend his seat on President Trump’s business advisory council after Mickey Mouse was accused of being an illegal immigrant.   Facing tough questions from Mr. Trump regarding his inclusion on the council, the chief executive said he had no plans to step down from the…

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British Airways declare war on Ryanair in the budget airline arms race

British Airways declare war on Ryanair in the budget airline arms race

  British Airways is seeking to intensify its operations in the budget airline arms race by cramming enough passengers onto its planes to make them all resemble sardines in a tin.   The airline said there will be a “small increase” in the number of seats on its aircraft that will reduce the average leg…

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Dead mice suggest Asda products may be unfit for human consumption

Dead mice suggest Asda products may be unfit for human consumption

  Supermarket chain Asda has been fined £300,000 for food safety breaches after two mice and thirty flies were found dead at its north London home delivery depot.   Council officers found mouse droppings on the shelves and cereal and sugar packets gnawed by rodents during a visit to the Enfield site back in May…

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