Burger King stages a military coup to become supreme leader of Belgium

Burger King stages a military coup to become supreme leader of Belgium

  Burger King has staged a military coup and illegally crowned itself supreme leader of Belgium.   The food chain initially attempted to seize power through democratic means by asking Belgians to vote online to “crown” either the country’s king or the global fast-food giant the true ruler of the country. Burger King’s Head of…

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British Airways says its IT system will no longer be susceptible to power failures

British Airways says its IT system will no longer be susceptible to power failures

  British Airways has said that upgrades to its IT system will make it less susceptible to power failures in the future.   The airline claims to be “much closer to full operational capacity than at any point over the last few days” which is a bit like claiming to be on the last leg…

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Gin to be used as a mixer for Fever Tree Tonic Water

Gin to be used as a mixer for Fever Tree Tonic Water

  Fever Tree Tonic Water is now so valuable that gin will be used as the mixer in drinks that contain it going forward.   A thimble full of the stuff is said to be worth more than its equivalent weight in unicorn tears, fairy saliva and dodo droppings according to a recent financial study. Fever…

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Ikea tries to self-assemble its new Chief Executive

Ikea tries to self-assemble its new Chief Executive

  Ikea has tried to self-assemble its new Chief Executive rather than bring someone in from outside the company.   Despite being given assurances that the instructions would be easy to follow, the new Chief Executive has thus far proven a less-than-flattering advert for the furniture store’s flatpack self-assembly USP. IKEA’s Head of Flatpack Assembly…

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Church of England sets up its own stock broking division

Church of England sets up its own stock broking division

  The Church of England has set up its own stock broking division after recent investment successes placed it in the top ranks of the world’s best performing financial players.   The Church has returned 9.6% a year for the past 30 years on average and cites divine intervention as the main reason for its…

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Samsung S8 phone’s facial recognition system may have to start wearing glasses

Samsung S8 phone’s facial recognition system may have to start wearing glasses

  The facial recognition system in the new Samsung S8 smartphone may require glasses before it can be used properly.   The facial recognition technology which includes an iris-scanner, can be used to unlock the phone simply by looking at it – unfortunately however, the phone has the equivalent eyesight of a bat with cataracts…

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Ford’s first wi-fi software upgrade doesn’t quite go according to plan

Ford’s first wi-fi software upgrade doesn’t quite go according to plan

  Ford’s first ever attempt at conducting an over-the-air software upgrade hasn’t quite gone according to plan.   The company’s maiden foray into the growing arena of “over-the-air” software updates has allegedly resulted in the creation of a Raleigh Chopper as a result of a suspected bug in the system. Ford’s Head of Wi-Fi Connectivity…

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Pringles packaging may have formed during the big bang according to scientists

Pringles packaging may have formed during the big bang according to scientists

  The packaging used to house popular crisp snack Pringles may have been formed at the precise moment the universe was first created according to leading scientists.   The iconic tube packaging which includes a metal base, plastic cap and foil-lined cardboard sleeve is widely recognised as being one of the least recyclable substances in…

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Nestle fails in its bid to trademark all rude hand gestures

Nestle fails in its bid to trademark all rude hand gestures

  London’s Court of Appeal has flipped the bird at an attempt by Nestle to trademark all the rude hand gestures that are currently in existence.   Nestle claims that the four-fingers of its KitKat chocolate snack constitutes a trademark and therefore a royalty should be paid every time somebody decides to use one of…

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Aboriginal man faces legal action for selling counterfeit Chanel didgeridoos

Aboriginal man faces legal action for selling counterfeit Chanel didgeridoos

  An Aboriginal man has been denounced on social media for appropriating western culture by producing a $2,000 Chanel didgeridoo line that has been derided as the ultimate in trademark infringement.   The Eucalyptus tree trunk segments that have been drilled out by termites are available on ebay or Amazon in the luxury products section….

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