W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

  Dear Darcus, We have just hired a new team member who is a mature lady of 55 years of age. So far her work and experience have been nothing short of a total asset to the team except for one small problem – she refuses to wear underwear during work hours. To compound matters…

Features, Problem Page , ,

“You’re nicked!” 9 ridiculous workplace theft allegations

“You’re nicked!” 9 ridiculous workplace theft allegations

    1.    Stealing from the Water Cooler     I’m on a diet that requires me to drink a metric shit ton of water so I carry around a 1L Nalgine bottle at all times. I’m a mid-level manager at a 60 person company. At the end of the work day on my way…

Features, Office Life , , , ,

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Hollywood Movie Star?

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Hollywood Movie Star?

  So, The Oscars have passed once again for another year and you no longer have a job. Whilst some people get away with making mistakes involving the announcement of academy award winners in front of a worldwide audience of billions, you unfortunately got fired the last time you made a colossal mistake at work….

Features, Unemployed , , ,

How to find out valuable office gossip by reconstructing shredded documents

How to find out valuable office gossip by reconstructing shredded documents

  Do you need to find out what a co-worker’s latest wage increase was? Maybe you just want to find out who is likely to get the chop in the upcoming round of company redundancies? Whatever your reason, shredded documents provide an invaluable source of sensitive company information that can be used to your advantage….

Employed, Features , ,

CUSTOMER FEEDBACK FORM – Home Improvement Company

CUSTOMER FEEDBACK FORM – Home Improvement Company

  We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2…

Features, Human Resources , ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Stripping all your clothes off to use the toilet

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Stripping all your clothes off to use the toilet

  Dear Darcus, One of my employees does that weird naked sh*tting thing. He’s some sort of freaky naturalist and believes that clothes somehow inhibit the pooping process so he takes them all off whenever he uses the toilet. Is this appropriate behaviour for someone that works in an office of 700 people?   Dear…

Features, Problem Page , ,

“…..but I don’t work here madam!” When a fellow customer insists you’re a member of staff at the grocery store

“…..but I don’t work here madam!”  When a fellow customer insists you’re a member of staff at the grocery store

  I work for a university police service as a security officer. My uniform consists of a white shirt with grey slacks and a blue striped tie. I also carry standard effects like a badge, a radio, handcuffs and a flash light, etc. On this particular occasion I wasn’t working so I placed my badge…

Features, Office Life , , ,

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a High Court Judge?

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a High Court Judge?

  Unfortunately, you’ve had to learn the hard way that when the boss asks you if he or she is being fair in giving you a written warning and then says, “be honest,” honesty is in fact the last thing your boss is after. As a result of your inability to decipher a rhetorical question,…

Features, Unemployed , , , ,

The correct way to behave on a picket line if you are going on strike

The correct way to behave on a picket line if you are going on strike

  As we know all too well from history, staff and senior management don’t always see eye-to-eye in the workplace. Those of you that actually bother to read your employment contracts will know that your terms and conditions are not as simple as turning up on time and doing a decent day’s work for a…

Employed, Features , , ,

Notice of result of appeal against disciplinary action – Bookshop Trainee

Notice of result of appeal against disciplinary action – Bookshop Trainee

Date: 17/02/2017   Dear Harriett, You appealed against the decision of the disciplinary hearing that you be subject to disciplinary action. The appeal meeting was held on 10/02/2017. I am now writing to inform you of the decision taken by Mr. William Waterstone who conducted the appeal meeting, namely that the decision to dismiss you…

Features, Human Resources , ,