Final warning for lateness letter – Game of Thrones office chair

Final warning for lateness letter – Game of Thrones office chair

  Date: 29/03/2017   Dear Simon, I refer to our meeting on 22/03/2017. Despite our verbal and written warnings about your timekeeping, there has been no improvement nor have you provided a satisfactory explanation as to why you continue to be late for work. This conduct is unacceptable. We therefore give you this final warning….

Features, Human Resources , ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

  Dear Darcus, I earn £320,000 a year before bonuses, I drive a Maserati and have a holiday home in St. Lucia. My kids both attend one of the country’s most prestigious public schools and whilst I’m extremely proud of my success, I’ve always wanted to be a garbage collector. There’s something about being in…

Features, Problem Page , , ,

The office safari is actually a, ‘thing.’

The office safari is actually a, ‘thing.’

  There has been a backlash of late in offices up and down the length and breadth of the land. As social posting and the sharing of memes gets restricted to the hours when all the proper work should really be getting done, this leaves a large gaping hole at lunchtime that has to be…

Features, Office Life , , , ,

The W1nners’ Club guide to Health and Safety in the workplace

The W1nners’ Club guide to Health and Safety in the workplace

  Legal Disclaimer: The W1nners’ Club is not a safe place to work and neither is anyone that works here particularly healthy….   You have rights goddam it! Compared to the rest of history, working life has never been as safe as it is today.  Unfortunate bodily entanglements with a Spinning Jenny were about as…

Employed, Features , , ,

New client anti money laundering information request

New client anti money laundering information request

  Date: 23/03/2017     Dear Mr. El Chapo, Like many businesses, here at Sproggitt and Sylvester Corporate Investments Ltd. we must comply with Anti Money Laundering Legislation, which is intended to inhibit the activities of terrorists and other criminals. If we fail to perform these duties, we risk prosecution that may lead to imprisonment….

Features, Human Resources , ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Hiring Illegal Immigrants

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Hiring Illegal Immigrants

    Dear Darcus, As you well know the economy has been struggling of late and what with Brexit and the ever tumbling value of the pound, running a business can be a bit like painting the Forth Bridge these days in terms of achieving your targets. As a result, I have started to recruit…

Features, Problem Page ,

Workplace chaos caused by pretending your colleague’s herbal tea is actually yours

Workplace chaos caused by pretending your colleague’s herbal tea is actually yours

  Me and my boss have a great relationship. Lots of banter, elaborate practical jokes – it all makes the working environment a much better place – between us that is. I’m the only one that has that kind of back-and-forth with him and with all my colleagues (much older Polish men who generally don’t…

Features, Office Life

You’ve just been sacked………why not become a safe cracker?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become a safe cracker?

  “…………and anyway, you can’t fire me because I QUIT!” Remember those words? Despite it being over 6 months and 12 interviews ago, you remember the day you left your last job as if it were yesterday. Whilst on the subject of yesterday, you’re still recovering from the hangover you now have after spending all…

Features, Unemployed ,

5 things on your CV that will make employers think you’re a total moron

5 things on your CV that will make employers think you’re a total moron

  Selling yourself on your CV is essential, but it’s important to sell yourself in such a way that you don’t come across as an absolute idiot to prospective employers.   That’s right. We said it. Despite the gasps of admonishment, we think it’s part of the service to let you know why you haven’t…

Employed, Features , , ,

Proposed disciplinary action – Electronic Road Sign Controller

Proposed disciplinary action – Electronic Road Sign Controller

  Date 17/03/2017   Dear Paul, I am writing to tell you that The Highways Agency is considering dismissing or taking disciplinary action against you. This action is being considered with regard to the following circumstances: This morning you reset the text on the road sign nearest to junction 25 of the M62 to contain…

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