Payslip – Mexican Drug Lord

Payslip – Mexican Drug Lord

  EMPLOYEE NUMBER DEPARTMENT DATE PERIOD El Chapo 0001 Import and Export 04/11/2017 1 PAYMENTS DEDUCTIONS YEAR TO DATE DESC     AMOUNT Tax n/a Gross 22,000,000,000.00 Cocaine Shipments            22,000,000,000 NI n/a Tax n/a   Ni n/a   TOTAL $ 22,000,000,000 TOTAL 0 EMPLOYER TAX CODE NAT. INS. No Rate   $22,000,000,000 Sinaloa Drug Cartel…

Features, Human Resources , ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I keep confusing Austria with Australia!

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I keep confusing Austria with Australia!

Dear Darcus, I keep confusing Austria with Australia. I work for an international courier company and unforutantely whenever we get parcels that need to be dispatched to Austria they inadvertently end up in Australia and vice versa. Do you think this problem will have a long lasting detrimental effect on the business?   Dear Reader,…

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There are only two types of office worker in the world – which one are you?

There are only two types of office worker in the world – which one are you?

Here at The W1nners’ Club we strive to gather data about office life so that you, our readers can start to make sense of what most of you will be doing with your lives for the next few decades. Part of our extensive research involves trying to figure out the best way to categorise people…

Features, Office Life , ,

You’ve just been sacked………why not time travel into the future?

You’ve just been sacked………why not time travel into the future?

The boredom, the constant twiddling of thumbs, binge-watching The Bill from the very first episode of series one – unemployment isn’t quite what you’d hoped it would be when you were first given your marching orders is it? Despite wondering why the hell you were ever a fan of The Bill when you watched the…

Features, Unemployed , ,

How to avoid being so bad at cold calling that you end up bankrupting the company

How to avoid being so bad at cold calling that you end up bankrupting the company

For many sales people, cold calling is an essential part of the job. It’s the mystical artform that turns a complete stranger at the other end of a telephone line into a customer. If it’s done well, it can prove invaluable for a company’s bottom line by generating new business it benefits from for a…

Employed, Features , ,

Customer Feedback Form – Office Security Improvement Work

Customer Feedback Form – Office Security Improvement Work

We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2 3…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Struggling to get drunk

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Struggling to get drunk

Dear Darcus, As we come up to the Chrsitmas period, I now have a lot of client lunches booked in the diary, but have noticed how difficult it is becoming for me to get sufficiently drunk during the meal. I’ve tried everything. I will even drink a few cans of lager before getting to the…

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10 things younger office workers have never experienced in their working lives

10 things younger office workers have never experienced in their working lives

Kids eh? They don’t know how easy they have it these days do they? They have a computer that fits in their pocket, their mail gets delivered from halfway across the world in a split second and they have record collections that comprise several million tracks but they only have to pay £10 a month…

Features, Office Life , ,

You’ve just been sacked…………why not create the most valuable company ever?

You’ve just been sacked…………why not create the most valuable company ever?

We’ve finally found out what UNEMPLOYED stands for! All along we thought it was just some word that referred to someone that is without a paid job but available to work, but in reality it means: Ultra Naughty Employee Made Penny Less Over Young Eyecandy Dalliance. Now that we have this cleared up, we need…

Features, Unemployed , , , ,

9 flashy sounding job titles and what they really mean in plain English

9 flashy sounding job titles and what they really mean in plain English

Do you ever feel that you should be selling yourself a bit more? Whether it’s meeting beautiful strangers at a speed dating event or completing your resume when applying for a new job, sometimes the facts of what you do for a living aren’t enough to project the correct image to your audience. Occasionally, and…

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