W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

  Dear Darcus, I have noticed that recently I have had lots of extremely dark fantasies about hitting members of my team. Whenever an employee comes to ask me a question the first thoguht that pops into my mind is how much I’d like to punch the individual in question on the nose no matter…

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Office Fridge Wars: When stealing a co-worker’s lunch turns nasty

Office Fridge Wars: When stealing a co-worker’s lunch turns nasty

    Lunch time in the workplace is a special point in the day, not least because you’ve probably spent most of the morning looking forward to leaning back in your chair and munching heartily on the sandwich you painstakingly prepared last night whilst reflecting on just how hectic a morning it’s been. As the…

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You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Plastic Surgeon?

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Plastic Surgeon?

  Now that you’ve been shown the door by your previous employer, it’s time to take stock of the situation and consider a new career. Whilst daytime TV and drinking cans of super strength lager before 11am can be fun, at some point the bills will need to get paid. Getting a reference from your…

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10 reasons why being in prison is much better than working in an office

10 reasons why being in prison is much better than working in an office

  It’s been four years since you first arrived here and the days just don’t seem to be getting any shorter. Time is still your arch enemy and as each day passes a recurring thought runs through your mind. “When will I get out of here?” True – things aren’t as bad as when you…

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BUSINESS CONTRACTOR AGREEMENT – Construction of a new Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory

BUSINESS CONTRACTOR AGREEMENT – Construction of a new Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory

  Contractor Agreement This agreement is made on the 04/03/2017 between Oompah Loompah Building Supplies {the ‘Contractor’} and Willy Wonka Enterprises {the ‘Company’} The Contractor has entered into an agreement with the Company for the performance of certain works {the ‘Works’}. The works are hereby agreed as follows: Construction of a new Chocolate Room: Everything…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

  Dear Darcus, We have just hired a new team member who is a mature lady of 55 years of age. So far her work and experience have been nothing short of a total asset to the team except for one small problem – she refuses to wear underwear during work hours. To compound matters…

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“You’re nicked!” 9 ridiculous workplace theft allegations

“You’re nicked!” 9 ridiculous workplace theft allegations

    1.    Stealing from the Water Cooler     I’m on a diet that requires me to drink a metric shit ton of water so I carry around a 1L Nalgine bottle at all times. I’m a mid-level manager at a 60 person company. At the end of the work day on my way…

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You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Hollywood Movie Star?

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Hollywood Movie Star?

  So, The Oscars have passed once again for another year and you no longer have a job. Whilst some people get away with making mistakes involving the announcement of academy award winners in front of a worldwide audience of billions, you unfortunately got fired the last time you made a colossal mistake at work….

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How to find out valuable office gossip by reconstructing shredded documents

How to find out valuable office gossip by reconstructing shredded documents

  Do you need to find out what a co-worker’s latest wage increase was? Maybe you just want to find out who is likely to get the chop in the upcoming round of company redundancies? Whatever your reason, shredded documents provide an invaluable source of sensitive company information that can be used to your advantage….

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CUSTOMER FEEDBACK FORM – Home Improvement Company

CUSTOMER FEEDBACK FORM – Home Improvement Company

  We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2…

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