Notice of disciplinary meeting – Supermarket Shelf Stacker

Notice of disciplinary meeting – Supermarket Shelf Stacker

  Date 26/05/2017   Dear Lucifer, I am writing to tell you that you are required to attend a disciplinary meeting on Monday morning at 9am which is to be held in my office. At this meeting the question of disciplinary action against you, in accordance with the Company Disciplinary Procedure, will be considered with…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I want to be an Emo

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I want to be an Emo

  Dear Darcus, I am the Managing Director of a stationery wholesaler in East Grinstead but I have secret desires to be an Emo and turn up to work looking like I don’t care about what people think of me. If I die my hair black and start wearing a dog collar with large metal spikes…

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Spend your notice period turning the CEO’s picture into Super Smash Bros characters

Spend your notice period turning the CEO’s picture into Super Smash Bros characters

  It feels great doesn’t it? The knowledge that all of this will be over in a few weeks now that you’ve handed in your notice. The biggest problem you have to overcome now, is what to do with all the spare time you have during work hours until your glorious last day. Only a…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not become an RAF fighter pilot?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become an RAF fighter pilot?

  So, you are now sans emploi, Zonder een baan, Senza lavoro, ohne Arbeit, sin empleo or as we say to people that have just been sacked from The W1nners’ Club – without a job. The coming months will be fraught with difficulty as you gradually scale back on things like Fitness First or Virgin…

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The 8 filthiest songs to play during work hours on your computer speakers

The 8 filthiest songs to play during work hours on your computer speakers

  Playing a bit of music in the workplace is as much a part of working life as cigarette breaks and hangovers. It’s important however, that the music you play on your desktop speakers is relevant for the type of people that work in your office. Here at The W1nners’ Club, half our staff get…

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Customer Feedback Form – Hotel Guest

Customer Feedback Form – Hotel Guest

  We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy were you with your stay at our hotel?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2 3…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Constantly aroused in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Constantly aroused in the office

  Dear Darcus, I am constantly aroused in the office. I seriously think that I could hump every single one of my colleagues – guys, girls, everyone – at once! If ever somebody asks me a completely innocent question I always give them a double entendre laden answer in response. I even got into the…

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10 Cringeworthy reply to all email fails

10 Cringeworthy reply to all email fails

The bold text on your email inbox tells you that you have an unread email.  You recognise who it’s from as it’s one of your close friends in the office.  Despite the fact that the email in question contains important information about the department meeting that’s taking place in the morning, you decide to have…

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You’ve just been sacked…………why not conduct the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?

You’ve just been sacked…………why not conduct the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?

Really sorry to hear you’re no longer in gainful employment my friend. Everybody knows that working in an office with a whole load of other people isn’t always the easiest thing to do in life. That being said, throwing your keyboard across the room because somebody teased you about your new haircut may also be…

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10 things a premiership footballer does that you would never get away with at work

10 things a premiership footballer does that you would never get away with at work

It’s a nice life being a premiership footballer isn’t it? Adored by millions for their skill and athleticism whilst getting paid handsomely for the privilege. It’s a tough idea to comprehend but, footballers are still just lowly employees like the rest of us. They have to turn up to work on time, phone in sick…

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