Petty Cash Voucher – Arab Sheikh

Petty Cash Voucher – Arab Sheikh

  Voucher number:  3506 Request Information: Voucher number: 3506 Date: 01/06/2017 Amount requested: $250,000,000 Requested by: Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan Note: Petty cash requests must not exceed $80,000,000 Description of Need: As you can see from the photograph attached my office is in urgent need of refurbishing. Some of the $100 bills are…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – removing petrol stains from your suit

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – removing petrol stains from your suit

  Dear Darcus, After my second written warning my boss’ new Audi mysteriously caught fire in the car-park the very next day. How do I remove petrol stains from a bespoke dove-grey pinstripe wool suit?   From Angry in Cheltenham   Dear Reader, Thanks for getting in touch! Your problem is indeed a common one…

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10 warning signs that must have been erected by a complete and utter jobsworth

10 warning signs that must have been erected by a complete and utter jobsworth

They say the devil is in the detail and some people are so committed to their jobs that they can’t help but do things by the book – even if the book contains absolutely no mention of the rules they are trying to enforce. Whether it’s a tube station guard that would happily chase a…

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You’ve just been sacked…………why not become a UFC champion?

You’ve just been sacked…………why not become a UFC champion?

  Welcome to the world of being unemployed. You don’t have a job because in all honesty you should never really have been given one by your previous employer in the first place. You gave a good interview but when you said you wanted to be sat at the board table in 5 years time, they…

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10 sayings a manager should never use unless you want to sound like David Brent

10 sayings a manager should never use unless you want to sound like David Brent

  Management is a skill that requires you to deliver instructions to your team members in the most efficient way possible. There often isn’t the time available to construct bespoke phrases for every situation you face, so rather than telling a member of your team to: “Call the client and get their preliminary thoughts about…

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Notice of disciplinary meeting – Supermarket Shelf Stacker

Notice of disciplinary meeting – Supermarket Shelf Stacker

  Date 26/05/2017   Dear Lucifer, I am writing to tell you that you are required to attend a disciplinary meeting on Monday morning at 9am which is to be held in my office. At this meeting the question of disciplinary action against you, in accordance with the Company Disciplinary Procedure, will be considered with…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I want to be an Emo

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I want to be an Emo

  Dear Darcus, I am the Managing Director of a stationery wholesaler in East Grinstead but I have secret desires to be an Emo and turn up to work looking like I don’t care about what people think of me. If I die my hair black and start wearing a dog collar with large metal spikes…

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Spend your notice period turning the CEO’s picture into Super Smash Bros characters

Spend your notice period turning the CEO’s picture into Super Smash Bros characters

  It feels great doesn’t it? The knowledge that all of this will be over in a few weeks now that you’ve handed in your notice. The biggest problem you have to overcome now, is what to do with all the spare time you have during work hours until your glorious last day. Only a…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not become an RAF fighter pilot?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become an RAF fighter pilot?

  So, you are now sans emploi, Zonder een baan, Senza lavoro, ohne Arbeit, sin empleo or as we say to people that have just been sacked from The W1nners’ Club – without a job. The coming months will be fraught with difficulty as you gradually scale back on things like Fitness First or Virgin…

Features, Unemployed , , ,

The 8 filthiest songs to play during work hours on your computer speakers

The 8 filthiest songs to play during work hours on your computer speakers

  Playing a bit of music in the workplace is as much a part of working life as cigarette breaks and hangovers. It’s important however, that the music you play on your desktop speakers is relevant for the type of people that work in your office. Here at The W1nners’ Club, half our staff get…

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