Assessment of potential for promotion – Ball Sack Suit Wearer

Assessment of potential for promotion – Ball Sack Suit Wearer

  Job title: Charity Ball Sack Suit Wearer Department: Sales and Marketing Length of time in post: 1 week Date of appraisal: __06/__11/__16 Section A:  Assessment of potential Not fitted at present for further promotion Not fitted at present but likely to become fitted within the next two years Fitted for promotion Section B Employee’s aspirations:…

Features, Human Resources ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Sex in the Office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Sex in the Office

Dear Darcus, Two members of staff were caught engaging in sexual intercourse in the toilets by the night cleaner at 4am. What action should be taken in light of this now being the office comedy story of the year?   Dear reader, As you well know, a successful modern company has enough challenges to face…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not become a Tech Billionaire?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become a Tech Billionaire?

  Back at the beginning of the twentieth century, the world’s only billionaire was one JD Rockerfeller who built his wealth dabbling in the then burgeoning petroleum industry.   Fast forward a century and billionaires are more common than national lottery winners – or so it would seem. Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Warren Buffett, Evan…

Features, Unemployed ,

The 10 worst excuses you can ever use to explain being late for work

The 10 worst excuses you can ever use to explain being late for work

  Everybody at some point in their working life has experienced the gut-wrenching panic of a race against the clock to avoid being late for work.   Whether it’s the result of an over-amorous relationship with the snooze button on your alarm clock, or simply plain old bad luck on the journey in. If you want…

Employed, Features , ,

Sir Philip Green to be ruthlessly pursued for the £1 he made from the sale of BHS

Sir Philip Green to be ruthlessly pursued for the £1 he made from the sale of BHS

  The pensions regulator announced yesterday that it will be ruthlessly pursuing Sir Philip Green in an effort to force him to cough up the £1 he made from the sale of BHS.   Green sold the now defunct department store chain to serial bankrupt Dominic Chappell back in March 2015 and the regulator is…

News , ,

Admiral admit using Facebook data to price insurance premiums is a very f*cking bad idea!

Admiral admit using Facebook data to price insurance premiums is a very f*cking bad idea!

  Admiral was forced to admit yesterday that using people’s Facebook posts to set car insurance prices is a really, really bad idea.   Apart from the total and utter randomness of associating someone’s driving ability with whether or not they like to share pictures of cute kittens, or short recipe videos on how to…

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Innis & Gunn announces new ale sourced entirely from the cloud

Innis & Gunn announces new ale sourced entirely from the cloud

  Edinburgh brewer Innis & Gunn have announced the creation of a new beer made using ingredients sourced entirely from the cloud.   The company said the new ale called Sky P.A. is made from a number of, “uniquely sourced ingredients,” that have been specially brewed as part of a new drive for innovation and…

News ,

Goldman Sachs slowly coming round to the idea $50bn is actually quite a lot of money

Goldman Sachs slowly coming round to the idea $50bn is actually quite a lot of money

  Goldman Sachs are slowly coming round to the idea that $50bn is actually quite a lot of money and tentatively agree you can’t simply say a company is worth that amount without it at least selling a few units of whatever it is they supply first.   The W1nners’ Club has been party to…

News ,

Nissan claims, “Christianity will fade and go, we’re bigger than jesus now!”

Nissan claims, “Christianity will fade and go, we’re bigger than jesus now!”

  Nissan have made the bold claim they are more popular than Christianity in a shameless show of pre-brexit bravado.   The Japanese car manufacturer has recently been holding court with top officials including the Prime Minister as the government attempts to ensure the UK doesn’t lose production of its Bluebird model to an EU…

News ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Drugs in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Drugs in the office

  Dear Darcus, A member of staff has turned up to work with pupils the size of black holes, their jaw is set hard at an unnatural angle and they are continually sniffing loudly as if they have the bubonic plague. What is the appropriate course of action to take?   Dear Reader, Staff turning…

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