Tesco outrages bearded women by slashing the price of razors

Tesco outrages bearded women by slashing the price of razors

  Tesco has caused outrage among women with beards after cutting the price of female razors.   In a move intended to redress the disparity in price between male razors which cost £1 for a pack of ten, the price of female packs were slashed from £1 to 50p for a pack of five. Head…

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Virgin Trains to place life jackets under seats in a bid to compete with airlines

Virgin Trains to place life jackets under seats in a bid to compete with airlines

  Virgin Trains will place life jackets under the seats on their locomotives in a bid to take on airlines for a share of the lucrative London to Edinburgh route as passenger numbers hit one million for the first time ever.   Despite never actually taking off from the ground in any way, shape or…

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Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

  Upper class drinkers rejoiced upon hearing that the price of Champagne will rise as a result of Brexit.   Despite losing their last key class identifier since the UK abolished its national pastime of going over to hot countries and shooting dark skinned people, many in society’s higher echelons feel this latest revelation presents…

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Customer Feedback Form – Plumbing Work

Customer Feedback Form – Plumbing Work

  We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2…

Features, Human Resources ,

Every day to be given an extra adjective to encourage consumer spending

Every day to be given an extra adjective to encourage consumer spending

  The government is considering adding an extra adjective to every day that shops are open in a bid to encourage consumer spending.   Despite not really knowing why Black Friday is called Black Friday, or indeed why Cyber Monday has the word, ‘cyber,’ in its name, consumers nevertheless can’t seem to resist brandishing their…

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Debenhams admit medieval armour may no longer be in fashion

Debenhams admit medieval armour may no longer be in fashion

  Debenhams will sever ties with some of its ageing fashion designers in an attempt to breathe new life into its outdated reputation.   Among the ranges to be excluded from the famous department store’s offerings will be powdered wigs by Betty Jackson (67), Blunderbuss Print baseball caps by Jeff Banks (73) and woolly mammoth…

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Lloyds takes PPI mis-selling to a whole new level by purchasing MBNA for £1.9 billion

Lloyds takes PPI mis-selling to a whole new level by purchasing MBNA for £1.9 billion

  Lloyds is set to ramp up its operations in the PPI mis-selling industry by purchasing the credit card firm MBNA from Bank of America for £1.9 billion.   Despite setting aside an extra £1 billion in October for its own mis-sold PPI claims, this latest move will ensure the part state-owned bank gains an…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Punctuality

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Punctuality

  Dear Darcus, A person on my team has the equivalent punctuality of the Southern Rail service from Tattenham Corner to London Bridge when there’s a strike on. How do I get them to change their ways and learn the art of using an alarm clock?   Dear Reader, Time keeping can appear unimportant to…

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‘Undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art,’ says Apple

‘Undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art,’ says Apple

  Apple argues undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art in the latest twist of the tech giant’s fight over EU taxes.   The European Commission is demanding Apple pays €13 billion tax in Ireland, whilst Apple argues they should be paying taxes in the United States where the important stuff like design…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not record the Christmas number 1 single?

You’ve just been sacked………why not record the Christmas number 1 single?

  Christmas is a terrible time of the year to be unemployed. There’ll be no office Christmas parties to go to and no appalling Secret Santa gifts to open from your tight-fisted colleagues. You’ll therefore need to fill your festive season with an alternative pursuit to working in an office for a living. Christmas is…

Features, Unemployed ,