W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Toilet Breaks

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Toilet Breaks

  Dear Darcus, A member of my team takes no less than ten, ten minute toilet breaks per day minimum. Should this unliaterally acquired annual leave be amortised through a reduced lunch hour, or should I simply dock the skiver’s wages?   Dear Reader, Obviously, staff should be free to use the toilet when they…

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Client Feedback Report – Outdoor Advertising Campaign for Pilsner Lager

Client Feedback Report – Outdoor Advertising Campaign for Pilsner Lager

  We are constantly trying to improve the level of service we provide, and ask that you take a minute to tell us how we are doing and what we can do to improve. How happy are you with the job we have just completed?  (1 = delighted – 5 = very unhappy) 1 2…

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Gary Kildall misses out on becoming the richest man in the world

Gary Kildall misses out on becoming the richest man in the world

  Way back in the summer of 1980, representatives from IBM reached out to a group of computer nerds at a company called Digital Research Inc. based in California. Their aim was to commence talks about licensing DRI’s all-conquering operating system CP/M.   Legend has it that rather than take the call, DRI’s founder Gary…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not become an Astronaut?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become an Astronaut?

  No job = no hope, right? Absolutely wrong! Now that you are unemployed, you have the entire world to choose from depending on the next move you decide to make. In fact, the best chance you have of feeling on top of the world in a literal sense is to become an Astronaut. The…

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The W1nners’ Club Office Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary

The W1nners’ Club Office Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary

  Everybody knows there are no jobs up north. Britain’s once all-powerful manufacturing industries that coughed out smog onto blackened buildings are a thing of the past. True, places like Manchester and Leeds are doing okay, but the real cash is still to be made by putting your handkerchief on a stick and venturing down…

Employed, Features ,

British Fizz to be named, ‘British Fizz,’ after 50 years of squabbling

British Fizz to be named, ‘British Fizz,’ after 50 years of squabbling

  The United Kingdom Vineyard Association have finally decided upon a name for British Fizz after debating the issue at meetings for over 50 years.   The issue of what to name British Sparkling Wine was raised at the first ever Vineyard Association gathering over five decades ago and members have been squabbling over the…

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Tiffany & Co. seek anti-social behaviour order against noisy neighbours

Tiffany & Co. seek anti-social behaviour order against noisy neighbours

  Tiffany & Co. are seeking an anti-social behaviour order against their next door neighbours The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   The once respectable Fifth Avenue in New York that was home to top tier jewellers like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpel and Harry Winston, has been turned into a no go area because of…

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PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

  Theresa May has finally outlined her plans for Britain’s departure from the EU and has stated unequivocally that the word, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by, ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.’ The Prime minister says that the word used in the hit film, ‘Mary Poppins,’ is the most accurate indicator of the terms Britain will be seeking in any…

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Rolls Royce insist bribery is the best way to sell a £250,000 skip on wheels

Rolls Royce insist bribery is the best way to sell a £250,000 skip on wheels

  Rolls Royce insist that bribery and corruption are still two of the best ways to sell a £250,000 motorised skip on wheels to unyielding customers.   Given the plethora of other things that could be purchased with a quarter of a million pounds, the car maker is adamant that the odd kickback and freebie…

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Office workers forced to wear brain scanners in a bid to eliminate, ‘sickies.’

Office workers forced to wear brain scanners in a bid to eliminate, ‘sickies.’

  Thousands of office workers have been forced by managers to wear brain scanners in a bid to prevent them, ‘pulling a sickie.’   The devices will be able to monitor how much they spent at the pub after work, who they were with and also what time they went to bed if indeed they…

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