JD Sports warehouse staff have the equivalent life expectancy of the mayfly

JD Sports warehouse staff have the equivalent life expectancy of the mayfly

  Staff employed at JD Sports’ controversial warehouse facility in Rochdale, Lancashire now have the equivalent life expectancy of a mayfly.   A freedom of information request obtained by The W1nners’ Club shows that ambulances have been dispatched to the site 166 times in the last four years, with 140 of these incidents leading to someone being…

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Agent Provocateur offers to pay off £30m debt in sexy underwear

Agent Provocateur offers to pay off £30m debt in sexy underwear

  Troubled lingerie brand Agent Provocateur has offered to pay off its £30m debt in unsold sexy underwear stock after a period of trading that can only really be referred to as, well – pants really.   It is rumoured the retailer’s bank has been approached with a proposal that will see senior staff at…

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Appraisal form – Animal Welfare operative

Appraisal form – Animal Welfare operative

    Employee’s name: Simon Price Job title: General operative Department: Animal Welfare – Dr. Whisker’s Travelling Circus Date of engagement: 25/01/2016 Manager: Dr. Airey Whisker Date of meeting: 25/01/2017 Current performance Objective/competence 1: Ability to get on with the animals   Simon has a healthy relationship with most of the animals in our zoo…

Features, Human Resources ,

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

  Dear Darcus, I’ve just been asked by a member of my team to sign off their expenses and noticed an entry for Busty Brenda’s massage parlour in Soho. How do I question them about this without incriminating myself for being there on the same evening?   Dear Reader, I often get letters of this…

Features, Problem Page ,

Edwin Drake designs a well that kick starts the oil industry but doesn’t patent his design

Edwin Drake designs a well that kick starts the oil industry but doesn’t patent his design

  Forget JR or Bobby Ewing from Dallas – forget JD Rockerfeller even, because the oil industry has its humble beginnings way back in 1859 by way of the dogged determination and chance success of an ex-railroad conductor called Edwin Drake. Drake was responsible for drilling the first oil well for commercial use in Titus,…

Business Blunders , ,

You’ve just been sacked……why not set up your own email scam?

You’ve just been sacked……why not set up your own email scam?

  Being unemployed gives you the opportunity to explore new avenues and if needs be – an opportunity to try out a new career. Whilst conventional employment opportunities may not suit a person of your temperament (hence, the reason why you’ve just been sacked), if you have a bit of an entrepreneurial spark, you may…

Features, Unemployed ,

How to pass your 3 month probation period in a new job

How to pass your 3 month probation period in a new job

  You’ve done it! You’ve passed the interview. Providence has smiled down on you and a company that is even more desperate to recruit staff than you are for a job, has decided to recruit you into their ranks. Now that you have the job, your next big challenge will be to keep it. We…

Employed, Features ,

WH Smith hails spoof humour as the saviour of the English language

WH Smith hails spoof humour as the saviour of the English language

  WH Smith is championing spoof humour literature as the potential saviour of the English Language.   At a time in the development of linguistics when phrases such as, ‘LOL,’ ‘LOOL,’ ‘PMSL,’ and ‘;-)’ qualify as satisfactory modes of communication between human beings, the book and stationery retailer is throwing its considerable weight behind the…

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Sainsbury’s staff caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house during work hours

Sainsbury’s staff caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house during work hours

  Sainsbury’s staff officially signed off from work were caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house working on his barn conversion during work hours.   At least five checkout girls were being used as bricklayers and staff from the deli counter, the bakery and the frozen food section were also found at the address wearing hard…

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Human Trafficking migrants at Sports Direct ask to be returned home immediately

Human Trafficking migrants at Sports Direct ask to be returned home immediately

  The Sports Direct Shirebrook warehouse has been embroiled in fresh controversy after human trafficking migrants working there asked to be returned home after less than a week on the job.   The migrants have also indicated that they plan on taking legal action against the people that arranged their transportation over to the UK…

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