Ford says road rage is bad enough on the ground let alone 200 feet up in the air

Ford says road rage is bad enough on the ground let alone 200 feet up in the air

Ford have ruled out investing in the development of flying cars in the short term because road rage would be infinitely worse 200 feet in the air than it is on the ground.   The automaker was asked if they had any plans to develop their own flying car at the SXSW conference in Austin,…

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Waitrose jam to replace interest rates as a way of controlling inflation

Waitrose jam to replace interest rates as a way of controlling inflation

  Waitrose jam will be used to control inflation in the economy now that the food retailer’s empty jars are worth more than the ones that contain jam inside.   The Bank of England will initially begin spreading Bonne Maman Strawberry Conserve onto commercial properties in the London area to control the extortionate price rises…

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Gin replaces children’s swings in the inflation basket – which is great news for kids…

Gin replaces children’s swings in the inflation basket – which is great news for kids…

  Children’s charities have expressed dismay upon hearing that Gin has replaced children’s swings in the basket of goods used to measure the UK’s inflation rate.   Gin comes back into the mix after a 13-year absence and is the result of new craft distilleries popping up and rising in popularity. Inflation expert Mr. Ian…

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Tesco chairman narrowly avoids capture at the hands of ivory poachers

Tesco chairman narrowly avoids capture at the hands of ivory poachers

  Tesco’s chairman narrowly avoided capture at the hands of ivory poachers yesterday who fired a tranquiliser dart into his bottom in the foyer at Tesco’s head office.   It is the third incident in the past year where the supermarket chain’s boss has had to endure an attempt to extract his gold-capped fillings which…

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New Panasonic washing machine comes with international stain removal feature

New Panasonic washing machine comes with international stain removal feature

  Panasonic have launched a new washing machine that comes with a special mode to tackle stains that are local to whichever country it is being used in.   The new model has been in development for the past two years and tests have involved different combinations of water temperature and water flow as well…

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Accident Report Book – Arborist

Accident Report Book – Arborist

  1.    About the person who had the accident: Name: James Green Address: 65 Appleby Grove, Smithfield, Derby Postcode: DE41 7AG Occupation: Head Arborist 2.    About you the person filling in this record: Complete if you did not have the accident: Name: Simon Green Address: 65 Appleby Grove, Smithfield, Derby Postcode: DE41 7AG Occupation: Assistant…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

  Dear Darcus, I have noticed that recently I have had lots of extremely dark fantasies about hitting members of my team. Whenever an employee comes to ask me a question the first thoguht that pops into my mind is how much I’d like to punch the individual in question on the nose no matter…

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Office Fridge Wars: When stealing a co-worker’s lunch turns nasty

Office Fridge Wars: When stealing a co-worker’s lunch turns nasty

    Lunch time in the workplace is a special point in the day, not least because you’ve probably spent most of the morning looking forward to leaning back in your chair and munching heartily on the sandwich you painstakingly prepared last night whilst reflecting on just how hectic a morning it’s been. As the…

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You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Plastic Surgeon?

You’ve just been sacked……why not become a Plastic Surgeon?

  Now that you’ve been shown the door by your previous employer, it’s time to take stock of the situation and consider a new career. Whilst daytime TV and drinking cans of super strength lager before 11am can be fun, at some point the bills will need to get paid. Getting a reference from your…

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10 reasons why being in prison is much better than working in an office

10 reasons why being in prison is much better than working in an office

  It’s been four years since you first arrived here and the days just don’t seem to be getting any shorter. Time is still your arch enemy and as each day passes a recurring thought runs through your mind. “When will I get out of here?” True – things aren’t as bad as when you…

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