Letter of enquiry to GP regarding likely cause of absence – Punt Gun Assistant

Letter of enquiry to GP regarding likely cause of absence – Punt Gun Assistant

Doctor’s name: Dr Jeremiah Josephs                   Date: 30/11/1851 Address: 26 Harley Street, London Postcode: W1G 0EB PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER IF THERE IS LIKELY TO BE ANY DELAY IN REPLYING Re: Suspected Deafness Name: Winston Chomeley-Warner Address: 65 Baker Street, London To administer Statutory Sick Pay, and the Company’s sick pay scheme, and to…

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Ikea pledges to keep a lid on prices if customers supply their own furniture

Ikea pledges to keep a lid on prices if customers supply their own furniture

  Ikea has pledged to keep its prices low in light of an increase in the cost of imported goods – as long as customers agree to supply their own furniture going forward.   The Swedish retailer, famous for making averagely priced homes appear somewhere approaching respectable on the inside despite having a pebble dash…

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Iceland declares war on Iceland (which is extremely confusing for everybody)

Iceland declares war on Iceland (which is extremely confusing for everybody)

  Nordic state Iceland is bracing itself for war as its frozen food namesake is rumoured to be sending an invasion force over to Reykjavik.   The retailer revealed it was planning military action against the tiny state after it refused to give itself an alternative name. Iceland’s Head of Frozen Vegetables and international aggression…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Asleep in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Asleep in the office

  Dear Darcus, One of my sales team have returned from a client lunch as drunk as a monkey and they have subsequently fallen asleep at their desk. My staff member is lying face down on their keyboard and snoring loudly, what is the best way to wake them up?   Dear Reader, There are…

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Armchair football fans and glory hunters finally get their own social media platform

Armchair football fans and glory hunters finally get their own social media platform

  Armchair football fans and glory hunters across the world rejoiced today as a new digital platform was launched to cater for their needs.   27 leading clubs such as Manchester City, FC Barcelona, Bayern Munich and Juventus, have come together to create dugout.com which offers original, behind-the-scenes content and relieves fans of the tiresome…

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You’ve just been sacked………why not become a Formula One Racing Driver?

You’ve just been sacked………why not become a Formula One Racing Driver?

  Becoming a Formula One racing driver is no mean feat. Just because you got the fastest lap when you went go karting on your mate’s stag do, it’s more than likely this was achieved because everyone else was hungover from the night before. To stand any chance whatsoever of spraying champagne over your fellow…

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How to get your car started on a cold winter’s morning to avoid being late for work

How to get your car started on a cold winter’s morning to avoid being late for work

  Those of us here at W1nners’ Club HQ that actually went to school often reminisce about those days. The winter in particular, was a very special time. Gathering around the radio (there was no Google back then) to find out if your school had lost its battle with the inclement weather and if indeed…

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New Viagra advert features South Korea’s President at a Ugandan sex orgy

New Viagra advert features South Korea’s President at a Ugandan sex orgy

  Pfizer unveiled its new advertising campaign for the wonder drug Viagra that will feature President Park Geun-Hye at a sex orgy in Uganda.   The 30 second clip will feature the under fire president at a Venetian masked ball, although to comply with the trade descriptions act, the extended version will need to last…

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Letter of enquiry to GP – Crocodile Trainer

Letter of enquiry to GP – Crocodile Trainer

  Letter of enquiry to GP regarding likely cause of absence   Doctor’s name: Dr. George Balthazar                  Date: 24/11/16 Address: Calvert Hill Surgery, Eastbourne   PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER IF THERE IS LIKELY TO BE ANY DELAY IN REPLYING Re: Long Term Absence Name: Giles Williamson Address: Flat E, Happy Snappers Crocodile Training…

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Volkswagen, ‘Self-driving,’ cars found to have a child hiding in the boot playing Gran Turismo

Volkswagen, ‘Self-driving,’ cars found to have a child hiding in the boot playing Gran Turismo

  Volkswagen were caught up in a fresh scandal yesterday when a small child playing Gran Turismo was discovered hiding in the boot of one of its self-driving car prototypes.   Europe’s biggest car manufacturer said that autonomous vehicles would be at the heart of its turnaround plan and the latest shocking revelations have cast…

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