Spoof business news

The latest roundup of what never happened in the world of business...

Online scammers welcome the UK’s new open banking rules
17th January 2018

Online scammers welcome the UK’s new open banking rules

  Online scammers have welcomed the UK’s new open banking rules and have stated categorically that it’s about time the process of online fraud was brought up to date.   The changes ...

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Julian Assange claims squatter’s rights at the Ecuadorian embassy
16th January 2018

Julian Assange claims squatter’s rights at the Ecuadorian embassy

  WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has commenced legal proceedings to claim squatter’s rights at the Ecuadorian embassy The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   The 46-year-old has been ...

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Virgin Trains will allow its passengers to use the Daily Mail as toilet paper
15th January 2018

Virgin Trains will allow its passengers to use the Daily Mail as toilet paper

  Virgin Trains has announced a stunning u-turn in its row with the Daily Mail by allowing its passengers to use the leading UK newspaper title as toilet paper.   The rail operator had ...

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Marks & Spencer admits its cauliflower steak hasn’t been tested for mad cow disease
12th January 2018

Marks & Spencer admits its cauliflower steak hasn’t been tested for mad cow disease

  Marks and Spencer has finally admitted that its cauliflower steak has not been tested for mad cow disease The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   The veggie steak which consists of two ...

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H&M launches a black and white minstrel clothing range for kids
11th January 2018

H&M launches a black and white minstrel clothing range for kids

H&M this week announced the launch of its new black and white minstrel clothing range for children. The new kids’ clothing line is based on several different character sub-ranges that draw ...

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Coca Cola insists smaller bottles + higher prices = less sugar
10th January 2018

Coca Cola insists smaller bottles + higher prices = less sugar

  Coca Cola remains convinced that by reducing the size of its bottles and increasing the price of the product, the amount of sugar contained in its famous recipe will somehow decrease as if ...

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United Airlines passenger undertakes dirty protest to obtain full price ticket status
9th January 2018

United Airlines passenger undertakes dirty protest to obtain full price ticket status

  A United Airlines passenger undertook a one man dirty protest whilst aboard a flight from Chicago to Hong Kong in an attempt to obtain the same ‘special category’ status as passengers that ...

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Investors abandon bitcoin in favour of rail season ticket speculation
8th January 2018

Investors abandon bitcoin in favour of rail season ticket speculation

  Investors have been offloading their bitcoins en masse in favour of buying a rail season ticket The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   Prices have increased by 3.4% across the UK in the ...

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FTSE 100 bosses unsure how to spend their money for the rest of the year
5th January 2018

FTSE 100 bosses unsure how to spend their money for the rest of the year

  FTSE 100 bosses are unsure of how to spend their money for the rest of the year the Adam Smith Institute has revealed.   As a result of earning the average UK worker’s annual salary ...

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Trump integrates global thermonuclear war launch codes with his Twitter account
4th January 2018

Trump integrates global thermonuclear war launch codes with his Twitter account

  Donald Trump this week announced that he has integrated the US’s global thermonuclear weapons arsenal with his Twitter account meaning he could potentially start World War Three whilst ...

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