Spoof business news

The latest roundup of what never happened in the world of business...

Robert Mugabe offers to help out with Brexit trade negotiations
11th December 2017

Robert Mugabe offers to help out with Brexit trade negotiations

  Former Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe has offered to assist with Britain’s trade talks in the next round of Brexit negotiations.   The ageing ex-dictator is said to be looking ...

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Clubs ‘shamed’ for not paying the minimum £50k a week footballer wages
11th December 2017

Clubs ‘shamed’ for not paying the minimum £50k a week footballer wages

  Three Scottish football clubs have been “named and shamed” for paying their players less than the universally recognised minimum footballer wages of £50,000 per week.   ...

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Former Volkswagen executive somehow keeps passing prison drug tests
8th December 2017

Former Volkswagen executive somehow keeps passing prison drug tests

  A former Volkswagen executive sentenced to seven years in prison as a result of the diesel emissions scandal somehow manages to pass all the drug tests inside.   Oliver Schmidt is the ...

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Next men’s underwear to be sold at Tesco deli counters
7th December 2017

Next men’s underwear to be sold at Tesco deli counters

  Tesco is set to start selling Next men’s underwear at its deli counters in an attempt to woo in-store customers who may be in desperate need of a change of pants.   Britain’s largest ...

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Morrisons chicken and mushroom pie has had all the fish bones removed
7th December 2017

Morrisons chicken and mushroom pie has had all the fish bones removed

  Morrisons has confirmed that its “Traditional Chicken and Mushroom Pie” always has the fish bones removed during the production process.   The Food Standards Agency says ...

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“Stop polluting the oceans with plastic you f*cking idiots!” say marine animals
6th December 2017

“Stop polluting the oceans with plastic you f*cking idiots!” say marine animals

  Marine animals have issued a statement to the United Nations that unequivocally states humans should, ‘stop polluting the oceans with plastic you f*cking idiots!’   The statement was ...

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Brexit still means Brexit which now means something completely different to Brexit
5th December 2017

Brexit still means Brexit which now means something completely different to Brexit

  The government has confirmed that Brexit still means Brexit, but the new Brexit may appear to resemble something completely different to what one would immediately recognise as being ...

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Kids demand broccoli for breakfast after reduction in Kellogg’s cereal sugar content
1st December 2017

Kids demand broccoli for breakfast after reduction in Kellogg’s cereal sugar content

  Kids have been demanding broccoli for breakfast in their droves after Kellogg’s announced it will cut the amount of sugar in its top selling children’s cereals next year. ...

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Vince Cable says the government should issue vindaloo visas and poppadum passes
30th November 2017

Vince Cable says the government should issue vindaloo visas and poppadum passes

  Vince Cable has called for the government to issue vindaloo visas and poppadum passes so that people of his age can obtain free access to a decent curry now and again.   The Liberal ...

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Toblerone signs a deal to be featured in the next series of Twin Peaks
29th November 2017

Toblerone signs a deal to be featured in the next series of Twin Peaks

  The producers of Twin Peaks have announced that they have signed a product placement deal that will feature Toblerone in the new series of the Mystery drama television show.   ...

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