Spoof business news stories

The latest roundup of what never happened in the world of business...

90% of tea consumed in the workplace may contain saliva from an intern
22nd August 2017

90% of tea consumed in the workplace may contain saliva from an intern

  An investigation by Lloyds Banking Group has found that nearly 90% of tea that is consumed in the average workplace may contain intern saliva.   Samples of tea runs performed by ...

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VW’s plan to build a non-petrol camper van could be a wind up
21st August 2017

VW’s plan to build a non-petrol camper van could be a wind up

  Volkswagen has unveiled the prototype for its new non-petrol version of the classic camper van, but some enthusiasts have said that it could be a wind up.   The non-petrol revamp of ...

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Donald Trump refuses to watch colour TV in case he upsets white supremacists
17th August 2017

Donald Trump refuses to watch colour TV in case he upsets white supremacists

  Donald Trump has disbanded his business advisory think tank after a number of CEOs quit when he refused to watch television in full colour for fear of upsetting white supremacists.   ...

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Nestle’s walnut whip may grow breasts now that nuts have been removed
16th August 2017

Nestle’s walnut whip may grow breasts now that nuts have been removed

  Nestle has warned its customers that its newly launched nut free version of the Walnut Whip may start to grow breasts and speak in a high-pitched voice.   The company’s new ‘Eunuch ...

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Public votes for Crispy McCrispface in the Walkers Crisp flavour referendum
15th August 2017

Public votes for Crispy McCrispface in the Walkers Crisp flavour referendum

  The Great British public has predictably voted for Crispy McCrispface to be introduced as a new Walkers crisp flavour even though it was never actually presented as a choice on the ballot ...

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Walmart to sell surface-to-air missiles as part of its back to school range
14th August 2017

Walmart to sell surface-to-air missiles as part of its back to school range

  Walmart will include Patriot, Stinger and S-300 surface to air missiles as part of its ‘back to school’ range of products this year.   The retailer recently identified the school age ...

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Bank of England says the new £5 note is tastier than its vegetarian alternative
11th August 2017

Bank of England says the new £5 note is tastier than its vegetarian alternative

  The Bank of England has decided to stick to issuing plastic banknotes despite complaints from vegans and religious groups because it says they are much tastier than the vegetarian ...

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FTSE 100 wobbles as Kim Jong Un claims his dad can beat up Donald Trump’s dad
10th August 2017

FTSE 100 wobbles as Kim Jong Un claims his dad can beat up Donald Trump’s dad

  London’s FTSE 100 was nearly 1% down during morning trading as investors reacted nervously when Kim Jong Un claimed that his dad could beat up Donald Trump’s dad.   The jitters came ...

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Tesco says a plastic carrier bag is for life, not just for Christmas
9th August 2017

Tesco says a plastic carrier bag is for life, not just for Christmas

  Tesco will stop selling its 5p plastic carrier bag at the end of the month and will encourage the use of 10p ‘bags for life’ by adopting the slogan, ‘a bag is for life, not just for ...

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US Town purchased by a Marijuana company elects Afroman as Mayor
8th August 2017

US Town purchased by a Marijuana company elects Afroman as Mayor

  A US town purchased by a company that makes marijuana products has just elected Afroman as its new mayor.   American Green recently bought the town of Nipton in California for $5m ...

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